Number One Thing that Marriage Therapists Tell Couples to Stop Doing Now
I rarely listen to the radio anymore, (thanks to Spotify and The Goal Digger podcast) but they were asking listeners to call in and guess “The number one thing that a therapist tells couples to stop doing now”. I may be a wedding photographer, but considering I have my bachelors in Psychology – I love all things brain, personality, characteristics, and therapy. I know their goal in mind was to keep listeners on their channel by waiting for the answer, and it sure worked – at least for me. Several options came to mind as I started thinking of what the answer could be — stop missing out on date nights, stop bringing up past fights, etc. There are honestly too many things to name that a marriage therapist would tell a couple to stop doing now.
After several incorrect answers, they followed their question up by giving one clue – “Game”. Considering at this point I was parked in front of my house, aimlessly scrolling through insta, I was hoping someone would answer the question soon, because I wasn’t turning my car off until I knew the answer.
Two overplayed songs later, a woman answered with “Keeping Score”. Ding ding ding – that was it.
The number one thing therapists tell a couple to stop doing now is keeping score on who did what, when.
Now, Kris and I are still totally figuring out this marriage thing – but I have to say that we actually do not “keep score”. Unless we are talking any type of board game – then yes, scores are kept and we are each ready to win.
Throughout these past few years, we each have taken certain responsibilities upon ourselves and it has somehow managed to stick. He hates washing dishes (don’t get me wrong, I am not a fan either), but I LOATHE doing laundry. I will clean the entire house, scrub the floors and the toilet before I ever feel like doing laundry. And thankfully, I have been so blessed to have a husband who doesn’t mind doing laundry and takes that burden from me! He always takes out the garbage, and I always clean out the fridge. I clean the bathtub and he cleans up all the dog poo outside. We have this natural system that just so happens to work. But if we BOTH loathed laundry, I would totally be a score keeper. Just being honest.
I completely understand how easy it could be to start keeping score! Subconsciously thinking, “I have done xyz, it is time for him to do something now!” and vise-versa. It would be a never ending game of both players always losing.
If you happen to be someone that keeps score, here’s your free therapy tip – stop it! There is no good that could possibly come from keeping score and I am sure your significant other is over the game, too. Sit down with one another and come to a conclusion of how to be on the same team, doing life (and chores) together.