Bring on the Lavender

Have you ever noticed one of the most common causes of minor and major health issues listed time and time again? You doctor and dentist have both probably told you to try not to do this so much. And your therapist is probably the only one to understand it just isn’t that easy.

Stress.

Go ahead and look up 20 different health issues. I bet if you look in the “possible causes” section, you find that over half of them will say “stress” as one of the many possible causes. And you’d think since stress can cause so many health issues, that no one would stress…right?

If only it were that easy.

I really envy the YOLO type. I wish I could make an impulsive decision without thinking of every consequence or benefit first. I wish I was more of a risk-taker.

(Actually, thinking of me being that type of person really stresses me out…)

So maybe I don’t wish I was like that? But, I do wish that when I laid my head down at night, that my mind didn’t race. Or when someone texts me something as simple as, “Hey, are you up”, that mind wouldn’t think the worst. And I really wish that I didn’t care what others thought of me. I constantly over analyze, overthink, and rarely will I actually verbalize the anxiety going on inside.

So, what is it like to be married to someone like this? Well, I’m not sure. But I know what it is like to be married to someone pretty opposite of this. And it is so refreshing.

Kris is the first to calm my nerves. He knows exactly what to say to talk me down. Before Kris, I spent so much of my life being crippled with fear. So much that it affected me physically, causing me to have terrible stomach pains for majority of my childhood.

But, as refreshing as it can usually be, being with someone who is completely opposite of this can sometimes worsen my anxiety, too.

Kris loves people. And he loves meeting new people. It is hard for him to understand that placing myself in a new environment with a group of people I have never met sounds exhausting and terrifying. To him, he doesn’t understand what the big deal is. And when I try to explain why I feel anxious, it doesn’t actually sound like something I should feel anxious about. Except anxiety doesn’t care whether or not it “sounds” like something you should get worked up over.

When dealing with my anxieties or something that is deeply on my mind – I either want to constantly talk about it with Kris, or I don’t even want to mention it.

Typically, I keep to myself about what is going on inside. Not because Kris wouldn’t be there for me, but because I feel like talking about it will make it more true somehow. And because my mind is often racing, I keep to myself about many things I feel anxious about or am internally struggling with. But if I do verbalize it, I bring it up over and over and over again. Trying to talk through it, analyze it, overthink it, and repeat. Which is probably pretty annoying. But I can’t help myself.

But what happens when I keep things to myself that are causing me anxiety?

I get incredibly irritable. I almost expect that Kris should know something is going on, even though nothing is ever verbalized. And 9 times out of 10, when I finally verbalize what is going on my thoughts, Kris talks me through it and I realize that it isn’t something I had to get worked up over.

Dealing with a mind that doesn’t stop running also creates a really bad habit for scrolling through social medias. It is an easy way to keep my mind preoccupied, but it is a huge annoyance for Kris. Understandably. And it is something I am still working through.

I am not going to even begin to act like I have it the worst. Because compared to those who suffer from a true anxiety disorder that is intertwined with depression that cripples them from even getting up in the morning, mine is so minor.

There are things I have taught myself to avoid going into anxiety attacks, but being married to someone who doesn’t struggle with anxiety has probably been the biggest blessing. And while many times he doesn’t understand why I am overthinking a situation, or working myself up for something so small, he has been my dose of reality. Showing me that things are much different than they are in my mind.

So if you’re married to someone who tends to be more on the anxious side, be patient with them. Always calm their nerves by saying how the reality is so much better than our minds make it out to be, and try to be understanding even when you can’t understand.

And for the anxious person who is married to someone calm… appreciate their lack of overthinking. It can really be a breath of fresh air and a great reminder that life is often not as bad as the scenarios our mind can form.

With love,

Kayla